Thursday, May 12, 2011

tumblr is where its at
keep up to date with the invisible force here

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Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Monday, March 14, 2011

On the organization of thought process

As I sit at my desk in my bedroom at almost 2 in the morning I contemplate how I came to be here. A lot has happened over the past few days including the oh-so-tragic Japan, and once again my head is starting to turn in a different direction.
I think this narrative will have to start a week before last Thursday before the week off for spring break. I left on an early absence for my final exams to participate in a festival of tradition and classical music. Skipping 3 finals was an easy price to pay until I had to make them up earlier today, but that's a later story. Thursday: leave and practice. Friday: practice. Saturday: practice, concert (Dvorkak New World Movement IV is SO GOOD), ride home, arrive home around 11.
Sleep.
Pack.
Get in car.
Go to Target.
Obtain remnants of childhood.
Airport.
As my family returns home, I literally have no more than ten hours in my sanctuary of home before it's off to Montana for the next big adventure. Sunday: get skis. Monday: lessons. Tuesday: overski. Wednesday: be tired. Thursday: be tired still. Friday: return home. Does that seem like a giant metaphor of life to anyone else? Learn what you should do, do what you should do, then be too tired to enjoy any of it. I question society.
Yet, as I remain physically unable to participate in skiing, I logged nearly 50 hours into the new Pokemon Black. I'll go into the details of how I got into pokemon later, but I have played it since Silver and it still provides me relief to everyday stresses when I need it. It's one of the last things I can attach innocence, freedom, and carelessness from my childhood to. I'm playing it right now.
Saturday: sleep, wake, practice in a band for our school's field day, enjoy the songs thouroughly, curse inconveniently placed DST.
Sunday: spend almost 10 hours with someone who understands me and thinks almost exactly the way I do. That was my true vacation the entire spring break.
Sleep.
Wake.
School. Real world. Stress. Schedule. Information overload. Headaches. Worry. Stress.

Final exams. Two.

Not that they were hard, but coming back to this world of grading, stress, and trying to outmatch everyone else was one of the hardest things I've done in a while. I literally came home around 5:30, passed out on my bed, and woke up around 11:30. My homework awaits me.
I also think about Japan, the fragility of our lives, why we continue to live in these stressful and volatile world conditions when apparently we can still never win. And we still can't get along as a species. Why am I here? I want to help, but I don't know how. I don't know when. I don't even know iF.